Quiet time is pretty dangerous for me. All of a sudden I'm alone with my thoughts + I can't even tell you how quickly they process through my mind. The average human has 10,000 thougths a day. I am pretty sure I far exceed this rate. I try to control or slow down my thoughts by listening to music, reading, and listening to podcasts. Most of my thoughts happen when I lay down at night. I've learned not to be afraid of my "monkey mind" (what the monks refer to as a racing mind). In fact, I embrace my beautiful mind (as exhausting as it is sometimes) and learned the best thing is confront + embrace your thoughts and let them be. The sound of silence is really the most awesome sound in the world. This is the space where you really learn who you are and process your life. It's also times like these the most random memories pop up...like, "Hey remember this one time at band camp..."
Truthfully, I really have no idea who reads my blog (however, I know there are quite a few from the tabulation). I write with no particular audience in mind. I write from my authentic true self. I like to share my experiences (like these) in hopes I might plant a small seed which can help others. So I wanted to share one of those times I could have gone missing and no one in my family would have even known where to start in locating me. This was all before I became obsessed with true crime, Dateline, and murder podcasts before bedtime. In other words, I didn't know better...
I was in my early thirties and I had just left a job as an insurance producer for a captive company called Nationwide to work for an independent broker I met at one of those business happy hours in downtown Greenville, SC. He learned that I wasn't exactly happy in my current position (long story short, my Producer at Nationwide wanted me to be a full time office manager but only pay me on commission from sales...so I was starving to death). During our happy hour networking, he explained that he happened to be looking for new producers to write Property and Casualty policies (plus I would have the opportunity to write commercial policies for moonshine stills and other random small businesses). He asked me for my first interview at an Italian restaurant after work. I remember I showed up and he ordered a bottle of wine. He then had all his friends from the bar parade themselves by the table. I would later learn he wanted it to look like he was on a date with a much younger girl. He was old enough to be my grandfather.
He made me a verbal offer at the second interview in his office - more money (base salary) with a higher commission split, plus I would have benefits to include health insurance. We shook on it. I put in my notice to Nationwide and started immediately with the new job. He sent me to Seattle for training for a week. I felt like he was really investing in my future with the company.
One Friday night I was sitting alone in the office when he knocked on my door. He asked what my plans were for the night, and I joked around about a "wild and crazy" night at Target shopping for a new vacuum cleaner. Mine had crashed out. He told me that I should save my money + he would give me an industrial strength vacuum. Apparently the company dabbled in other ventures aside from insurance to include vacation rentals. He explained he had vacuums at his place that could suck up sand and that I should not waste my money on junk.
He then told me he would like for me to follow him in my car downtown. He bragged that he could introduce me to all his friends at this restaurant called, at the time, "High Cotton." He said it would be great for my career to network with his wealthy friends. I think this situation is so hard for young females. You are at a new job. Your new boss comes to you and says he wants to help you. So, I (reluctantly) agreed to follow him downtown (everything was telling me I should say no...however, two habits I'm still trying to break: apologizing for no reason and learning to say "no thanks" without fearing how it will affect others).
I dropped my car off at valet (even though I never pay for parking...it's the Scottish gene in me). I went inside and sat next to him at the bar. He ordered wine and he never introduced me to anyone. In hindsite, he wanted to be seen again with a younger number. When I gave my business card to the bartender, he scolded me and told me I was embarrassing him.
Then, his partner's sister walked into the restaurant. She walked over with a surprised look on her face. He explained to her that I was an employee and that I had randomly ran into him downtown. Then he asked me to continue with the lie if his partnered questioned why we were bellied up to a bar together. He bought me a burger and when I was done I politely excused myself to go home. He urged me to follow him to his mansion to pick up the promised vacuum cleaner.
It was dark as I followed him down Augusta Road. I pulled into his circle drive and got out of my car and stood there. He encouraged me to come inside for the tour. I didn't really want to but I went in. There were racks and racks of suits with the price tags still on them! And, dress shoes everywhere! He took me room by room, and I'll never forget when he turned on the lights to a guest room - there was the strangest artwork of sad and crying clowns all over the walls. Artwork is so subjective, but allow me to express how CREEPY it all felt at the time!
We walked past a room that had flickering lights in the corner. It was his son playing video games in the dark. His son paused his gaming and came out to introduce himself. He had a social awkwardness where you keep staring at someone. He was close to my age and still living at home. The two of them then walked me upstairs to the guest suite. He began to brag about the bathroom and the heated floors and the secret/hidden passageway room. He pushed on the wall and it opened up into this empty room. The two of them were standing behind me. I got immediate chills and this gut punch. I knew I needed to get out of that situation immediately. I turned around and immediately walked out of the room and hurriedly ran down the stairs. They followed behind me. I politely explained while exiting that I was tired and needed to get to bed. Yep, I left without that vacuum cleaner.
There's one thing I don't ignore. My gut. Something didn't feel right. I'm not saying he would have locked me up in that room never to be heard from again. All I'm saying is that if anything had happened to me that night, no one would know where I was. The next day, Saturday afternoon he called me to reiterate that I needed to stick with the story that he randomly ran into me downtown if I was asked why we were seen together. After that night and being asked to lie, I kept my distance from him. I would try to be out of the office as much as possible. I would never be caught alone in the office, especially on a Friday night.
I lasted three months with that company.
After my 90 days I went to him and asked about getting signed up for my benefits. He looked me dead in the eyes and asked, "What insurance?"..."I don't recall this." There are a few things in life I have absolutely zero tolerance for and one is a liar. It's just all around best to keep it honest with me, because my brain just doesn't process dishonesty...and I will strike a match and burn a bridge pretty quickly with anyone who has trouble with the truth. And, thus, I couldn't let a brazen lie just go, so we parted ways. When I applied for unemployment benefits, he tried to make trouble. I wrote an email to him and his partner stating that if they held up my unemployment that I would tell the entire city of Greenville that he tried to "date the help." Suddenly, my benefits were approved. If you're going to fire me for sticking up for myself because YOU lied, the least you can do is approve benefits until I find another job. Enough said there...
Hear me when I say I have very vindictive ancestors from Ireland and Scotland who watch over me. I have found that anyone who stabs me in the back or mistreats me in anyway receives almost instantaneous and not so gentle karma. This is something I have zero control over. I'm not sure what all happened to him...but, he called me years later. I still had his number in my phone and my heart skipped a few beats when I looked down and saw his name pop up on my screen. He left me a message that sounded like he had been crying and asked me to please call him back. I never did. I heard later that he was going through some recovering addiction steps where he was trying to apologize to everyone he had wronged. I don't need the apology. I needed the lesson. And, yes, I have forgiven him. Life is too damn short to hold grudges and allow assholes to rent space in your head.
Takeaways:
I learned this much too late in life, but you can be nice and polite and still have boundaries and learn to say no. Example, "I appreciate the offer, but I have other plans..." It still feels weird to me, as a southern woman to just say "no." I feel like I have to provide some explanation. But, I'm learning to just say "no thanks" with a smile.
Always, ALWAYS get things in writing, especially before quitting a job to go to another. Sadly the gentleman's handshake is a thing of the past and really hard to prove in a court of law.
Always let at least one person know where you are...just in case. In the Girl Scouts, we called it the "buddy system." This also is imperative if you hike alone.
ALWAYS listen to your gut. It's never wrong.
If someone fires you for sticking up for yourself or setting necessary boundaries, consider it a gift.
Thanks for visiting, and I hope you have a terrific weekend.
Love,
Kimmie
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