A Close Encounter with a Psychopath

I've never felt so completely split down the middle on whether or not I should share certain things about my life.  I have been in the practice of living authentically, and that requires a tremendous amount of vulnerability.  Recently I shared a piece of my life story through my blogging platform.  Someone close to me warned that the downside of sharing my life experiences publicly is: "there are hurt people who hurt people."  And, that's what they do...they target and hurt people.  You can't spend time trying to rationalize it beyond that.  Either they are not healed from a trauma or they have absolutely no conscience or feel any remorse for targeting innocent people.  In my opinion, that's why it's not a sign of weakness to show your authentic self.  Rather, it takes a tremendous amount of bravery to be that exposed.  And, sadly, it doesn't always draw in the best people.  Predators see someone who is authentic as an easy target.

After consideration and "sleeping on it," I felt the personal responsibility to post about an alarming life occurrence that happened to me recently.  When you have personal life experiences that can help someone and potentially save a life, it's always worth sharing.  More importantly, it's a healthy part of growth and healing to take your mistakes as lessons and learn the lesson as soon as possible.  Most importantly, move on from it in a positive way and do not allow it to consume you.  It's often times so easy to dwell on "how in the world did this happen to me" and "how did I get here?".

Earlier this year I was traveling and posting photos of some of my adventures on social media.  I can't even tell you when I first friended this person, but it was around this time that this individual first started presenting himself as a trustworthy and nice person who seemed to want to be friends.  He was my age, went to a neighboring high school, and we had several connections and friends in common.  This created a false security and I let my guard down.  He portrayed himself as a friendly and harmless guy, commenting and liking a lot of my posts and expressing support for my writing.  

He started to send me messages.  The most important thing I want to share is that this person presented himself as a completely platonic and supportive friend to me.  He came across as enthusiastically talking about finding historic gravesites, a love for travel, and relocated and starting a new life across country.  I have looked back on the communications searching for some clue as to any miscommunication or anything that could have even misconstrued or even hinted that I was looking for a sexual liaison.  I was just being a nice person.

How did I come to encounter this individual in person?  

He messaged me to come out and camp out with him in the Grand Canyon.  When I told him I wouldn't be able to schedule it in this year, he expressed an interest in exploring Colorado.  He had just displayed a recent trip he had made cross country with a female up the West coast.  What everyone saw on social media wasn't the reality of what happened with this girl.  The trip went south and she flew back home.  She had put trust in this individual as well.  I learned all this after the fact, sadly.

I agreed not only to meet him but I went hiking and site seeing with him.  As conversations transpired and he began revealing more about his past (some stories that gut punched me) and how he had treated people in his past (while assuring me he no longer engaged in that behavior), I realized that everything I was learning contradicted what this person revealed or created through facade through social media.  During my short time spent with him, I also began to get uncomfortable and gut feelings that he was going to keep making advances romantically, while knowing I was not remotely interested.  I even asked him to stop touching/petting me on the head while he was asking me: "you like that?"  It was really weird, but I brushed it off at the time.  I thought initially he would pick up on the fact I was not on the same romance page.  But, in retrospect it's almost as if he enjoyed making feel weird and engaging in the "hard to get" mission of trying to get impossible conquests.  I recall him making the remark that I don't display myself sexually on social media outlets and that he respected that about me.

After he flew back home, (and, this is a delayed reaction on my part) I just began piecing together the conversations, and my gut said "you need to block this person and have no further contact"  Looking back, had I just stayed busy and limited contact, he could have potentially lost interest and faded away.  But, instead I listened to my gut reaction and blocked him.  By blocking him, I triggered him. 

What he did next cautioned me to question everything and everyone I know to be true.  I realized that meeting people in person and inviting them into my life requires due diligence and background checking.  I should have reached out to my friends to see how well they knew this person.  Because, after the fact, I've reached out to some common connections to find nobody really knows this guy.  And, he goes by two names.  

I will be the first to admit, I had my guard completely down.  Alarmingly, since the experience, I've learned that the company he allegedly worked for has not seen or heard from him in two years.  And, the "friend" he went cross country with was a girl who also trusted this guy and shouldn't have.  The trip didn't end well, albeit it looked to onlookers as the best road trip ever.

Yesterday I went on a challenging hike to crush a goal, and when I got back, some mutual friends had messaged me on a Facebook letting me know that this guy had posted: "When they go low, I go lower," followed by one of the lowest attacks a guy could make on a woman who rejected him.  He posted globally that I had asked him for money in exchange for sex.  He publicly posted my name, my blog name/handle, my photo, and any information he came to learn about me.  Then, I started getting screen shots of the comments as he was inciting his friends to engage in disrespectful name calling to include calling me a "c*nt" and bragging he doesn't pay for "p*ssy."  He went on to cheer on his friends to discuss harming me with anal rape with comments like: "when they say no, it means yes, and yes means anal."  They jokingly asked what my "rate" for sex was and continued back and forth making the most disgusting and derogatory comments about me and another woman.  I felt dirty that I had met and spent my time and energy with this guy.  I realized that I was really lucky he didn't physically harm me, now becoming alarming aware of his disgusting views towards women.  I want to reiterate that all I did was reject this person's sexual advances and then block contact as a self preservation tactic.  And, this is what happened to me in the aftermath.  

The post has since been removed, but what I read will never be forgotten.  I'm still in shock that I was even targeted by someone like this, especially after going back and trying to find the red flags I should have seen.  I feel responsible for involving my family close friends who immediately supported me encouraged me to contact the appropriate authorities.  My gut feelings were accurate in what I was feeling and picking up from this person...things you can never perceive through social media.  Within 24 hours of blocking him, he proved to me that I did the right thing in blocking contact with him.  

I'm writing this to raise awareness that this was not some random person out of nowhere.  The least suspecting individual(s) can be con artists and con artists don't just con for money.  Con artists are called such because they are master manipulators in gaining your confidence and trust.   

This person not only posted a defamatory and slandering post, he followed the post with an onset of comments publicly incited others to join in defaming me and to making threats (with the emoji of a strong arm) and joking about about anally raping me and causing harm to me.  If this happens to you, it's pretty serious and considered a cyber crime.  When someone posts threats and encourages others to threat physical harm to you, it's no longer considered bullying behavior, it's illegal.  Report it as soon as possible to the proper authorities and get all witnesses to file a report in writing as well.  Make sure to get screen shots of the cyber threats and slander.  Tell your family and support system what happened with as much details as possible.  Please always be on guard and be aware.  

In hindsight (which they say is 20/20), I recall this guy telling me that he was surprised I had agreed to meet him in person explaining that he found that most women to be too guarded and have way too many walls up.  And to those women, I applaud you.  And, along with my support, I can say I certainly understand why this is so important this day in age.  I understand it's no way to live, suspecting everyone could potentially be a predator.  It's hard enough to make friends, but try making friends when you can't even trust people anymore.  

My story I'm sharing is not some random person I made friends with online.   Lesson: Even if a person grew up in your prior town, knows several of the same people (people you worked with and played athletics with), they know the same past events (concerts, news, same business contacts) do not ever, for a minute, let your guard down with anyone.  I, unfortunately, had to learn this the hard way.  And, I invited this person willingly into my life, assuming the best.  I was nothing but a nice, hospitable of my time and resources and nothing but respectful to this individual.  I'm pretty sure I wasn't his first target and I'm certain I won't be his last.  He will move on to the next innocent female.  

All of my friends and family are still in shock that something like this can happen.  In a time where you would think we would be lifting each other up and supporting each other, there are people like this on the internet targeting nice people.  I'm glad that I am now aware of predators like this (even in a close social circle).  I'm so aware that he could have physically hurt me after he learned I was not going to be his hookup.  I'm thankful I have learned self-defense and how to protect myself from dangerous individuals and predators.  Awareness and learning are the key.  Most importantly, do not ever allow threats of harm to go unreported.  Having experienced bullies and how they behave, predatorial behaviors can get much worse if there is no clear boundary that you do not welcome criminal behavior and threats of physical harm and slander.

Please be safe!  Please stand up for yourself, your rights and take your power and life back from predators. Sexual harassment and threats give them a false sense of power over you.  Do not allow a predator to bully you into silence or fear.  When people show you they are a snake, believe them. After I blocked all contact with this person making it abundantly clear I wanted no contact, he reached out via text through another number to continue to try to get a reaction from me.  When I blocked that number, that's when he resorted to publicly defaming me and inciting physical harm (which contrary to how ti looks, it one of the most cowardly moves a predator can make.)  Kindness is mistaken for weakness, but kind people should advocate and protect themselves.  Nice people, authentic people, and genuine people will always sadly be easy targets for predators.  Nice people always have a way of seeing the good and the best in everyone.  If you've been a survivor of a predator, it's not your fault.  Learn from it and become more aware going forward.  Use it to strengthen you and help others who have experienced the same misfortune.

I can't help but think of all the victims who did not survive cyber threats, slander and targeting.  Not everyone has emotional endurance and strength.  We are in a time where people have lost jobs, relationships, investments and the majority of people are suffering and just trying to survive.  Some people can literally be at their rock bottom and see no way out than to take their life when they become the target of vicious attacks.  I encourage anyone reading this to understand the gravitas of bullying behavior, targeting and threatening comments, and slander towards anyone.  Please value life, and please stop this behavior.

Also, have faith that bad people eventually reap what they sow.  Luke 12:2-3 has a great excerpt: "What has been done in darkness will eventually come to light."  This post is dedicated to all my family and close friends who came to my support and offered guidance and loving encouragement.  I'm so beyond grateful for the support system and I love you!

Love,

Kimmie