I woke up this morning thinking about Codependency. I always thought this was a psychological term for weak people who couldn't survive life without the sources or energies of another person (or even people - a clique). I was not wrong. But, I wasn't completely right either. Are you the helper? The people pleaser? Chronically pouring out your light and energy for basically useless bullshit?
If you find yourself always being the therapist, the life jacket, the safety net, the bright and shining light (EVEN with greatest of intentions of the illusion of helping "save" someone from a cesspool of hurt) -- CONGRATS you are CODEPENDENT! In a codependent relationship there is the (for lack of better way to describe) - alpha and the beta. The beta is the empty vessel who traded their light for the comforts of hell. And, the alpha is the fire, the light, the medicine - with great intentions of saving the beta from hell fire. But how does the saying go? “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
I thought about this for quite a while...about how many energy vampires are in my life now compared to 5 years ago. I have spent most of my life just giving out my energy so freely. And, where has it landed me? I'll never know...that is a long road map to trace back. What if I would be in another place if I never met all those energy vampires? Did I learn anything? Or, did it only make me feel virtuous, superior, like the savior - and there were really zero life lessons to learn from this vicious cycle?
All I know is that my soul longs to break those ties of Codependency. This world is so upside down and I'm not from this timeline. The ugliest truth ever, and thanks to my friend Brandon for always pulling my idealist heart back into the real world - but, the truth is this -- MOST people DO NOT want to be helped. They don't want your attitude of change and betterment. They are fine with the decisions they made and all they want is YOU! They want a codependent relationship with you. What that means for you is this - YOU are now a part of their world and their terrible decisions. Think about what that does to you!
I don't expect people stuck in this crazy messed up matrix to have any understanding of how I conduct myself or the decisions I make in life - like making soap. Trust me, when I learned I love being an artisan soap maker, it wasn't a conference call or zoom meeting to see who all approves. I don't give a SHIT what you think, (insert everyone who has had an opinion about how I conduct myself and do my journey). I care about what make my soul free...
Speaking of freedom...why does the arid desert give such a reprieve to the mundane monotony of life? Writers and poets wrote about it. Wanderings in the desert in the search of freedom are even Biblical. I don't pretend to have all the answers. All I can tell you that my recent trip to the Mojave was an extremely necessary and fun car autumn camping adventure. And, my co-pilot and I had such great energy exchange. NOTE: This road trip was slapped together last minute when my friend wanted to see an abandoned mineral spring and visit Joshua Tree (which is the second time for me this year). I'm 42, so it took me a wee bit longer to recuperate and get past the neck and back pain of bunking up in the back of a Subaru (than it did when I was in my 30s). But, we found the safest and coolest places to park my car and bunk for the night.
Here's a few pics for my 'Meet Me in the Mojave' web log picture book. I hope you get a chance to drive out in the desert soon. The never ending neutral beauty will make your soul flutter like a butterfly. Also, the abandoned mineral springs is called ZZYZX Mineral Springs...something about the dude wanted to be listed last in the phone book, or something like that. I'm about to hit the hot tub and don't really wanna research it much. But, it used to be a live mineral springs and health spa in the Mojave Desert and now it's only partially used as a Desert Research Center while the rest lays basically in ruins.
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| This hat was gifted after the trip, but was SO FUN in the desert... |
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| A candle from Joshua Tree, and yes we did burn it on my dash... |
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| A cemetery we stopped in along the way. Some people value privacy even unto death... |
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| Some of the sunsets we saw... |
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| Some random shit you see in the desert... |
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| Yes, that is the remnants of war paint from earlier that da |
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| Arizona...love ya! |
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| Daydreaming...I can't wait for a soak in the hot tub and then my bed. |
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| The abandoned mineral springs |
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| A singing montage while Abby slept and by "slept" I mean heard me singing... |
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| I call this "My date with Chris Brown"...we were playing with some editorial makeup in the desert. Note to self, don't use blues and purples around the eyes... |
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| Wonder House... |
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| Such fun rock climbing at Joshua Tree |
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| Skull Rock... |
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| Weeeeeeee |
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| Wild life... |
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| Desert Leeezard.... |
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| No shit, it's so fun to climb around out here. |
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| Mexican food stop... |
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| Playing around at Joshua Tree |
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| Rock geekin |
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| Ohhh hellll yeah... |
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| Driving around to different spots in the park... |
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| Gotta grab a shot of the sign or you weren't there! Wink... |
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| Love this little neon sign... |
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| This was in a cute little shop that wants to sell my soaps because they're made with sand. On my list to send soaps. |
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| Wall mural with red fox... |
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| Coffeeeeee Coffeeee |
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| Breakfast we picked up at a Farmer's Market... |
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| Abby showing me how to pose... |
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| Fun abandoned jeep... |
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| Talk about FUN roadside gems...look at this guy sitting out in the desert! |
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| Practicing self expression... |
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| Check out these desert skies... |
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| A Joshua tree and my Subaru. These trees look so Dr. Seuss-ish |
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| I was Donald Duckin' it here. No pants in the middle of the road. |
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| More Joshua trees... |
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| Heyyyy Arizonee... |
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| Roadside gem - a huge ass abandoned water tank... |
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| Abby grabbed a tshirt... |
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| Heyyyy UTAHHHH |
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| I assume this is a CSI site... |
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| I could use a shower and shampoo... |
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| Thanks for looking at my picture book...and war paint...I hope to do more blogs with war paint soon. |
Also, I am dropping one more post before going off grid for a while - it'll be Shakespearean. Also, I'm doing a remake of one of my videos from Facebook before taking a break - stay tuned. So, a blog and a video ye shall receive. Give thanks! Be blessed.
Amen,
Colorado Kimmie
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