Good day, Mates! I hope you all had a safe and fun Labor Day Weekend! I wanted to share a quick experience with you that happened recently. I hope you enjoy. If you know someone who could benefit from reading, please feel free to pass this along to him or her.
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." (note to self next time I'm standing in line at the post office with ear buds...)
Last year, I was fired from a job two days before my 40th birthday, on a phone call with two women from HR (who I trusted would help me), and days before my 10 day approved paid-vacation to Croatia. Yes, thank goodness of the divine timing of that trip! It healed my soul.
I used to feel ashamed to talk about being fired from a job. But, turns out, I'm not alone. When I open up and talk about it, I've learned it's the truly authentic people who never learned how to "play the game" that experience this termination cycle. It's the independent, free thinkers who have the very bright light or aura in them that never fit in. "The game" was the very last thing on their minds in the Corporate system. They never learned the art of "flying under the radar" or what "blending in" meant. It's these people who will always threaten those players who play the game well.
In addition to being a terrible player of the game, how many people have held on to some blind institution of loyalty? Can anyone relate to this at all? How many of us have given blind loyalty to a system that essentially robbed us of all joy and slowly inflicted a slow death? Have you ever looked back and considered all the people who truly benefited from you before you learned to love yourself?
Looking back on this job, I have so much clarity now and realize the job was an "stop sign" to all essential areas of my being. My spiritual, mental and physical pillars were dead. My health was declining most of all. Both the environment and the people were toxic. And, then one day, the Universe sent me a guide in the form of a tall blonde female in her early twenties with a high pitched squeaky voice and dead eyes. When I think back on her and our interactions, I think of Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction." In this movie she developed an obsession for Michael Douglas and starts flipping the light switch on/off/on in this one haunting scene. Oh and then the infamous line: "I won't be ignorrrred, Dan." That's the SAME dead stare this girl had in her eyes. And, I was her "Dan." "I won't be ignored KIMMM!"
She quickly wanted to become best friends her first week at the company. She offered me free passes to her cross fit gym. She tried to set me up with one of her single friends. She invited me to shop with her. She wanted to eat lunch every day together. (And, the one lunch I had with her I learned some very alarming and concerning things about her.) Anyways, I think you get the point. She invited me into every aspect of her life. And, when I politely expressed that I had my own gym and was fine being single at the moment, something flipped inside her. I'm in extroverted introvert, so I enjoy being alone after a day of work. But, to this girl? She took it personally and some switch flipped big time. I went from being her desired and coveted trophy friend to her bitch.
As her "workplace bitch," this sociopathic bully, took me through the following stages of workplace harassment:
1) Mind games and social manipulation. Questioning my mental health in front of others and spreading rumors about me around the office.
2) Unwanted touching such as running her fingers through my hair in the bathroom while I was washing my hands. Body slamming into a wall as I was walking to my office.
3) Both stalking and cyber stalking me. And, then cyber bullying me through text and including other coworkers.
Instead of quitting, I reported her to Human Resources, because that's how they train you, right? The following sequence of events happened (maybe you can relate):
1) Nothing happened for days. Then, wondering if they even got my complaint forwarded to my boss, I followed up with an email to ask about the status. I was initially met with hostility. Then, I was taken into a corner office with two men who told me that everything would be handled and I had nothing to worry about (all while the owner of the company glared at me like he could kill me).
2) I was placed on paid leave and told not to contact or speak with anyone. Nobody from the company contacted me within those weeks, so I basically drove myself crazy with scenarios of what was happening.
3) I was made to drive to a lawyer's office twice where they deposed me in a conference room. Copious notes were taken.
4) All my coworkers were then interviewed so my company could find one thing I had done that went against the employee handbook and corporate policy. And, they succeeded. Turns out I used the "F" word in a text to a coworker on my day off while sitting at a Braves game. And, that's how I lost my job after reporting harassment.
Have I forgiven this girl? Yes, absolutely. Did it happen overnight? No, it didn't. Did I learn so many life lessons? Absolutely. Let me repeat that. I forgive her, and I give gratitude for the growth the experience provided. It made me stronger wiser. So many of my friends and family encouraged me to fight back. But, I had this peace that passes all understanding. I felt free. I felt that this girl had actually freed me from a cycle of abuse I had allowed due to blind loyalty to a system.
A few things I learned:
1) Stop assuming everyone is your friend, especially HR (Human Resources)! HR protects the company, not the employees. Follow the money. When HR hires a corporate lawyer to investigate your complaint, then you can kiss your ass goodbye in terms of future with the company.
2) Understand not everyone was raised the way you were. This makes life so much easier.
3) If you don't play the game, expect problems to ensue. You may even become targeted.
4) If you value your light and authenticity, consider owning your own business/being your own boss.
5) No good deed goes unpunished. In this case, I put my neck on the line to get people jobs who turned around and stabbed me in the back. Life is not fair. Get used to that. And, learn to maybe laugh about it.
6) Unless the company has a harassment situation that constitutes a civil rights violation, bullying and harassment is usually accepted and tolerated. Woman on woman bullying is rampant in the workplace. I grew up in the South, and my best explanation for it is this: Unless you graduated from an Ivy League school or had the connections to walk in on a C-suite level, there is so much competition for women and very few upward mobility positions. Therefore, unhealthy backstabbing competition ensues in the form of the green monster: Jealousy.
7) Don't try to fix people. Don't make excuses for people's behavior. Don't try to understand why sociopaths are sociopaths.
8) Whistle blowers are praised in public and hated in private. Whistle blowers = squeaky wheel = time and energy in actually having to fix a toxic problem. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
9) Contrary to popular opinion, QUITTERS WIN! Yes, I should have rode the wave, avoided her like the plague, gone on my trip, networked, and returned to find another job that appreciated me.
10) You can give absolutely everything to a company: your physical health, your mental health, your spiritual health...and they will still discard you like a piece of trash at any time you no longer fit their need for you.
11) Going up against the establishment can feel great. A David v. Goliath battle. But, if the battle takes away your peace, learn to quit and walk away. Go where you're appreciated.
12) Never try to hammer your magnificently round self into your lame ass square ass hole ever again. Never be loyal again to an environment, job, or situation that does not feed my soul and bring joy.
13) People like this girl are why 1) people commit suicide, or 2) decide to hurt others.
14) Realignment: (I read this today online) "Things fall apart to make way for something new to emerge. You might not understand your current obstacles but you will eventually. All things are aligning for your greater good. You've just got to have faith that things will get better."
15) Those who defend your reputation behind your back are those worth keeping around. In my case, as soon as I was fired, texts ensued with rumors and horrible things were said about me. One person defended me and had my back. Those are the types of people you value. The rest can really kiss your ass and then watch from the sidelines as something better comes into your life.
16) True healing happens when you can learn to forgive and thank those who harmed you. And, I realized this girl belonged in the system. I didn't. I was more than the system. And, I appreciate her for showing me that.
I'll probably think of more as I grow and learn. But, I think this is a solid list for now.
An inspiration AFTERWORD (to those who inspire me):
Thank you to a friend who encouraged me to become the projectionist of my memories and play circus music during my "silent films.' Turns out there were a lot of clown in this story, so the circus music was very a propos. And, I actually laughed so hard while recounting this story to friend last night (while bursts of intermittent circus interludes). This particular friend, in the short time of knowing me, knew 1) In any otherwise normal or non-work related situation, I would have removed myself from being anywhere near this girl (yet, I couldn't because I valued paying my bills and getting a steady paycheck), and 2) just how much I was holding back wanting to beat her ass (but, not wanting to go to jail at the same time). What would have I have told the judge?: "She messed with the wrong redhead!" Anyways, getting to the point where I am laughing and cherishing the life lessons feels so good.
Thank you to a a past professor and mentor who was kind enough to take me lunch and listen through my tears while everything was still pretty raw. I know now that I was grieving an illusion. Anyways, he told me that if I could be story teller, I could do anything I wanted in this world. There will always be groups of people who need to hear my story for some touch of human connection. That inspired me so hard.
Thanks for tuning in and have a lovely day...be the light you want to see in the world.
Kimmie
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