My Mid-Life Catharsis...

 Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Today is my forty fourth birthday!  So, in honor of my mid-life, I wanted to drop a post to commemorate this day in history when a legend was born.  Or, as George Thorogood sang, "When I was born, the head nurse spoke up, said leave this one alone, I could tell right away, she could tell right awy I was bad to the bone.  Bbbbbad, bad to the bone."  

Cheers!!!  (Photo cred: my boyfriend)

Flag is from Harbor Freight $4.99 and it’s got the sewn stars!  

Recently I went on "a glamping trip" (that's a portmanteau for glamorous camping) with my boyfriend, and I woke up Sunday morning with the word "Catharsis" randomly in my head.  I KNEW I had read that word plenty of times in college, especially in literature classes.  But, having no coffee in me, I asked, "hey, what does catharsis mean?"  My boyfriend: "ahhh I'm sleeping here."  Silence.  Him: "It means a shedding of your old self into your new self!"  Me: "YESSS!  A new awakening!"

I keep shedding my old self throughout life, and the load keeps getting lighter.  It's like a death of the old Kimmie, and a birth of the new Kimmie.  As, I keep on my journey, these awakenings become really beautiful.  And, I'm so grateful for the experience and the opportunity to live.  Life is a real gift.  Nobody said it would be fair, but it's worth it.  I guess people didn't live as long and didn't have our quality of life, and perhaps that's where "midlife crisis" came from.  However, these are some thoughts I would like to share with you on my birthday, some recent catharsis moments.  In a funny shift of culture, here is my gift to you, in no particular order:

1. Everything I have ever lost has set me free.  The things you own end up owning you (Fight Club)...

2. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been that great at "small talk," but as I get older, I can say, it's getting harder and harder.  If you don't like depths, a conversation with me can make you drown.  I'm talking "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea."  (Jules Vern wrote a book about Long's Peak, by the way- one of the hardest fourteeners in Colorado)

3. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.  You can stab me in the back and strip me of everything I have and I will go get every bit of it right back.  Some people will pat you on the back to find out where to place the dagger later.  It's part of life.  Theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lak-kYMOBHk You're not a real hustler if you can't lose it and get it all back.

4.  I love glamping in my boyfriend's teardrop, because it allows me to experience what off-grid tiny home living would be like, and I love it!  And, I love him.  You know you're with the right man when he brings out the absolutely best in you, inspires you to new heights, and wants to read all the chapters of you.  He gives me sweet compliments reassuring me all the time (which I'm used to having to do for myself so it feels so nice), but recently while we were camping, he called me "fearless" and I love that so hard.  I am, afterall, a Scottish Highland Warrior descendant.  Think Brave Heart.  Anyways, if he's reading this, I want him to know how grateful I am for his partnership in this crazy life and for being my accomplish as we navigate a spiraling world.  A brave new world, baby! (Huxley)

5.  I'm working more and more on living in the now and the moment and I've gotta say, it feels so good.  Also, althought it's a process, I'm really more aware of my "pain-body" these days.  Read to the "Power of Now"...it's so life changing.  And, it was the first book my boyfriend loaned me! (Eckart Tolle)

6. Shit, this blog is already longer than I intended and I wonder if people are still reading.  Will I always be long-winded with my thoughts?  Perhaps less is better, but I'm under a deadline to take a shower and jump into an important legal project that could affect a lot of Coloradans.  Bottom line, the world needs more thinkers and long winded souls.  My opinion.

7. I keep choosing peace over people and so far I have zero regrets!  My favorite new quote is: "Your free trial to this subscription is over, bitch!" (gangsta)

8. Energy transfer is so real!  Energy is like currency.  Not everyone deserves access to your energy because a lot of people are like a gigantic straw, or dare I say parasitic.  

9.  Freedom stretches only as far as the limits of our consciousness (thank you Carl Jung).

10.As Miles Davis said, "Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself."  It takes a while to deprogram what society has programed into you and wants you to be.  If you can't see that everyone is programmed in life, then you've been perfectly programmed.

11.  There really is no Shangri-La.  There is no perfect place or utopia.  So, you gotta make the best of every situation.  It's called building emotional callousing to cope with life!

12.  If you don't become the ocean, you'll become seasick everyday.  - Leonard Cohen.  

13. "So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy.  A man i snot very tired, he is exhausted.  Don't use very sad, use morose.  Language was invested for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.  It also won't do in your essays." (Dead Poets Society)

14. If we are brave enough to feel it, we can heal it.  So, you gotta slow down for this.  Being productive isn't always being busy, busy, busy.  You'll understand this once you take time to smell the flowers.   

15. This song has some really great gems of wisdom and continues to be one of my faves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DaQuwC7NlY

Okay, truth is, I could keep going all day on this...

So have a wonderful weekend, and don't drink and drive!

Love, 

Kimmie of the Colorado

Hey God?

Hello Mates and Happy May!  

I hope everyone is hyping up for Star Wars Day tomorrow…May the 4th be with you!

I recently found this piece I’m posting below on social media and wanted to memorialize it on my blog.  Why?  Because this same dialogue has been part of my own life journey.  Author is unknown.

Me: Hey God.

God: Hello.....

Me: I'm falling apart. Can you put me back together?

God: I would rather not.

Me: Why?

God: Because you aren't a puzzle.

Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?

God: Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.

Me: You don't understand! I'm breaking down!

God: No - you don't understand. You are breaking through. What you are feeling are just growing pains. You are shedding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren't falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don't need anymore to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don't fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.

Me: Once I start doing that, what will be left of me?

God: Only the very best pieces of you.

Me: I'm scared of changing.

God: I keep telling you - YOU AREN'T CHANGING!! YOU ARE BECOMING!

Me: Becoming who?

God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself with that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don't change! ... Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I'm going to keep telling you this until you remember it.

Me: There goes another piece.

God: Yep. Let it be.

Me: So ... I'm not broken?

God: Of course Not! - but you are breaking like the dawn. It's a new day. Become!!!

😉❤️❤️🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

Theme song: “Let it Be”…https://youtu.be/QDYfEBY9NM4

Love, 

Colorado Kimmie

Let’s Get Physical!

 Hey Pals!

I hope you’re enjoying some nice Spring weather!  First a little theme music:

https://youtu.be/VM7TpVWvJqM

Some friends of mine recently started this exciting business venture and I wanted to share out to my Colorado readers (and, also this is a fast growing franchise so they are all over the country, so perhaps you’re interested in one near you!)

Arvada now welcomes an F45 gym/studio!  Okay, you may be asking, “Kimmie, what is F45!?!”

The “F” stands for functional training and the “45” denotes how long this intense and dynamic workout lasts!  The workout strategy comes out of Australia 🇦🇺.  The workouts combine HIIT (high-intensity interval training), circuit training and functional training!  

Also the studios have a unique schedule so if you miss a day, you’re not left behind (life happens!) - Mondays and Wednesdays offer members cardio, while Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday provide Resistance training.  Fridays and Saturdays offer a hybrid of both.  Monday thru Sunday also offers a recovery of mobility and flexibility, which is super important to incorporate into your workout routines!

Okay, so why should you join?

Having lived in Colorado for three years, I personally know how hard it is to meet quality friends with similar interests!  F45 provides a community of friends to hike, do 14ers with (hikes over 14,000 feet in elevation), or schedule backpacking trips!  Also, who is completely bored with these mundane fitness schedules?  F45 is guaranteed to mix it up with something new and fresh to keep you interested in fitness, plus you get your money’s worth and quick results because they pack a lot in to that 45 minutes!  To quote Vanilla Ice: “quick to the point, to the point no faking!”  Queue “Ice Ice Baby!”

https://youtu.be/rog8ou-ZepE

Get ready for that beach bod!  Who has gotten injured before during cross-fit?  F45 has tv screens up with proper form reminders so you’re targeting the core muscles properly to aboid over extension, ligament and tendon tears, along with trainers making sure to mitigate risk of injury!  Who has tried fitness routines before only to never go?  F45 provides a unique schedule to keep you coming back super motivated!  Plus it’s like personal training in a group setting.  Does it work?  Trust me on this…I used some muscles I forgot I had!  It absolutely works!

Their workouts have really hip names such as “Hollywood” and “Miami Nights!”  This is the kind of stuff actors and actresses do yo get fit for roles quickly!

Here are some awesome pics of their opening weekend!  It was so fun to be a part of this incredible energy!

If you came for their full Saturday workout you got a free B-12 shot.  This shot made me feel so amazing!  They’re normally $50-160 each!  I didn’t even have to nap that day - that’s how full of energy I was!

They had a really awesome private chef making lettuce wraps and talking about her services!

They had some cool merch/swag!

The private chef and her lucky hubby!

The delightful lettuce wraps!

A chiropractor was onsite!

There were puppies!

Me getting a healthy jab!

The DJ brought so much energy!

The trainers were absolutely ahhhhmazing!  Personable and super interested in whether you were having fun!

A few sneak peek shots into the gym!

Located in the Super Target strip mall off Kipling - 14455 W 64th Ave Unit R, Arvada, CO 80004!

Check ‘em out!

Colorado Kimmie

Day in the Life…at the Capitol

Theme music: https://youtu.be/YSGHER4BWME

 A brief historical background:

In 1858, the discovery of gold brought many a’fortune seeker across the fruited plains into the Rocky Mountains.  The geographical area known today as Colorado was once divided amongst the Kansas, Nebraska, Utah and New Mexico territories.  The US Congress designated Colorado a territory with its own boundaries in 1861.  Originally called the “Pike’s Peak Region,” after much debate the then territory was finally called Colorado, a Spanish word for “colored red (which could be more ironic since the invasion of the Californians…Colorado couldn’t possibly be more blue.

The very first Territorial Legislative Assembly met in Denver on September 9, 1861 (1861 was the start of the Civil War) to decide where the capital city would be located.   First the delegates landed on Colorado City, now part of Colorado Springs on the western slopes.  A year later the capital was moved to Golden.  Finally in 1867, the seat of government returned to the City of Denver where it’s remained since!

Here I am in the front of the Capitol this day last year when Congress voted to make abortion legal up to the day of delivery.  Fittingly I was wearing all black.  I’m pretty sure God cried that day.  Not a proud moment for Colorado…

A few interesting things about this architecture!  See the golden dome behind me?

The dome rises 272 feet above the ground.  It’s a pretty fitting tribute to Colorado (referencing my opening paragraph and our pro basketball team is called “the Nuggets”).  However, not many people know that the dome was originally topped with copper.  The downside is that copper tarnishes with acid rain, air, and water exposure.  The Statue of Liberty 🗽 has turned green due to copper oxide.  Not only that, but the citizens of Colorado were not thrilled about this metal selection since it wasn’t native to the land.  So,  in 1908 the Building Committee voted to cap the dome with gold.  Miners contributing a donation of 200 ounces of gold.  

While the gold coating appears thick from the street view, the coating is actually thinner than toilet paper and was delivered in actual rolls!  Roughly 149 rolls were necessary to fully cover the 2,842 sf area and only 64.5 ounces of gold were used.  To put this in perspective, today an ounce of gold is worth $1,992.  So a total of $128,424 of gold cover the dome of the Capitol building!

While I could go on and on about this building after my tour, I’ll point out one more interesting feature and then encourage you to put it on your bucket list when visiting Denver!

The Mile High Marker!

Denver is nicknamed the Mile High City.  The 13th step of the granite staircase have a mile high marker indicating 5,280 ft above sea level!

I’ll leave you with some Colorado nuggets (that pun is solid gold):

Population: 5 million 

Nickname: Centennial State

Motto:  Nothing Without Providence or Diety

Flower: Rocky Mountain Columbine 

Songs: “Where the Columbines Grow” and “Rocky Mountain High”

Tree: Colorado Lie Spruce

Gemstone: aquamarine 

Fish: Green Cutthroat Trout 

Insect: Colorado Hairstreak Butterfly 🦋 

Rock: Yule Marble…

Which reminds me of my next road trip!

Love, 

Kimmie

Ch-ch-ch-Changes…

Gooooood day to you!

Dropping the needle to the vinyl: https://youtu.be/pl3vxEudif8

Introducing 1 out of, like, 3 solid friends I’ve made in Colorado since 2020.  Quality over quantity.  ♥️ Discern who is worth your energy.  

Ope, she went for it…straight for the sugar supply!

Daylight Savings is next week!  Yes, it’s that time yet again when we set our clocks forward (“spring forward”), which means mind + body adjustments, for at a minimum, a few days. 

A quick brief historical overview and how wishy washy DLS has been over the years:

First, Benjamin Franklin, the Parisian whoremonger who had every STD you could possibly have, came up with DLS probably over a glass of warm beer.  They say syphilis really messes with your mind. 

1966 - Congress establishes the Uniform Time Act of 1966, creating a federal system of Uniform Daylight Savings Time throughout the USA starting the last Sunday in April until the last Sunday in October.  States can opt out by exemption.

1974-1975 - Congress extends DLS in order to save energy during an energy crisis.

1986-2006 - DLS begins on the FIRST Sunday in April and ends on the last Sunday in October.  Coincidentally church attendance on these days was pretty low!

August 8, 2005 - “Curious” George W. Bush  with his fuzzy math signs the Energy Policy Act of 2005 into law extending DLS starting in 2007, from the SECOND Sunday in March to the first Sunday in November.

2007 - All of Indiana now observes DLS whereas only certain areas of the state did before.

Daylight Savings officially starts March 12 (at precisely 2 a.m.) - my grandfather used to tell people he would wake up exactly at 2 a.m. and do all his clock and watch settings - and we all (aside from Hawaii and Arizona) will lose an hour in our day.  So, for a minute, think about the people who live in New Albany, Indiana but work in Louisville, Kentucky!  And vice versa!  That can really mess up your internal clock!   Think if you have kids who have to be at school at a certain time in one time zone and be at work in another time zone.  By what time zone would you set your car clock?  I hear new cars automatically change time zones.

And, while losing only one hour of sleep doesn’t seem like much (especially when you don’t believe in the construct of time like the Salvador Dali), in reality it can cause quite a disruption and affect both our mental + physical health until our bodies adjust.  Here are some stats on DLS (which begs the question of why we keep repeating the insanity, because apparently the only reason we keep doing this is for kids catching the bus in the cold, dark Autumn):

• According to the US Department of Labor and Mine Safety and Health Administration data, researchers studying industrial psych discovered workplace accidents spiked following DLS time changes every…single… March!  The average worker lost at least 40 minutes of sleep…imagine 10% of your restful sleep lost as a new parent.  For those engaged in jobs with a high level of attention to detail, sleep is vital.   Sleep deprivation is linked to plummeting attention levels which most people would expect.  So, for heavy machinery operators, surgeons, pharmacists, air traffic controllers (we are having near misses already on a daily basis, like alarming safety lapses), CPA’s and tax preparers (oh by the way Uncle Sugar wants to give all your money to Ukraine and the deadline is approaching, don’t forget to claim your Ukrainian or three as a dependent - Nikoli or Vulga are pretty common audit proof Eastern European names), attention to detail is crucial!
• Driving skills are affected!  So think of Colorado where the air is thin in higher altitudes and people decide to augment said air deprivation with weed!  Twenty years ago, Johns Hopkins and Stanford (by the way if you’ve never seen the Stanford Prison Experiment, grab your remote and watch it now - it will remind you of the mask mandates and group hysteria) dropped a 21-year study regarding fatal car crash data.  What the researchers found was that there was a spike in crash deaths on the Monday following the switch to DLS time.  
• Moodiness!  Sleep disruptions can cause mood swings which lead to divorce.   If you’re already feeling bouts of depression, anxiety, and mental exhaustion, a lack of sleep can greatly exacerbate this pain-body state.
• The spring forward sudden time change even has links to heart attacks and stroke (blood deprivation and blood leakage in the brain).  A study from 2014 found that losing just one hour of sleep during spring DLS increased the risk of a heart attack on the following Monday by 24%.  Ironically, gaining an extra hour of sleep in the fall time change led to a 21% lower risk of a heart attack!

My gift to you!  Here are some Colorado Kimmie tips to help you transition smoothly:

• Grace.  Go easy on yourself!  Allot extra time evaluating your work tasks carefully.
• Avoid operating heavy equipment while drowsy.  Your reaction times are greatly decreased.  Don’t plan any lengthy road trips, for example.
• Consider gradually adjusting your sleep schedule in the days leading up to the time change.  Just by going to bed 10-15 minutes earlier every night, your body has more time to adjust, as opposed to BAM hitting it suddenly!
• Accept that not everyone adjusts at the same pace as you!  If you observe a coworker stressed or fatigued, tell them that they’re about to have massive layoffs.  Just kidding!  I’m making sure you’re still engaged and paying attention.  You should encourage them to stop and take a break and grab some fresh air!
• Embrace naps!  20 minutes is the gold standard.  Studies show if you go over you could feel even groggier or cranky.  In other words, naps can have a diminishing effect!  The Great Dane company which manufactures trailers allows their workers to stop and take periodic 20 minute naps.  They know it helps increase productivity!

Other companies that allow nap time:

Nike

Proctor and Gamble 

Facebook

Ben and Jerry’s 

Zappos

Focus on the silver linings!  More daylight=longer day and later sunsets=enjoy with a glass of wine before bed!

One last Colorado Kimmie tip before I sign off.  Never trace your middle finger and send it to your boss.  For some reason, they tend to frown heavily on such artwork.

Love,

Kimmie

Raise Your Glass and Say, Cheers to the Ones That We Got!

Hi there!  

We are in March now when I realized I haven’t written a single thing since January.  I’ve been pleasantly distracted.  Did you know most Americans have to work 3-4 months before they start taking money home?  For the first 4 months it all goes to Federal, State, and sales tax.  If that weren’t bad enough the people receiving the fruits of your labor will call you a racist and scream at you for putting America first.  Have fun getting those taxes done!

So let’s get going on March’s blog drop!  Queuing up some theme music for a quick drop on memories:  https://youtu.be/SlPhMPnQ58k 

I found this picture in my phone, recently.  It’s younger me against a vineyard landscape in the Carolinas.  The photographer was a brand new friend I met from California.  We visited Victoria Valley Vineyards that Saturday for a wine tasting.  Gosh, this was maybe a decade ago!

I texted him the photo and asked, “Do you remember this day?”  And he immediately texted back:

“On a Sunday afternoon with a potentially abused dog 🐕 just to my left, while I believe I was wearing a red fox jacket and black tinted aviator sunglasses, we got lost at first but turned around once you got your bearings back and left North Carolina…or at least near the border, the food was alright, wine was dry but the standout was the conversation and the company; and I remember not believing that someone that didn’t really know me, would care enough to do something that nice for me ☺️… My favorite random memory was your family member’s random confederate cabin and the cold beer & cheer before my legs locked up on the way back to the car 😄… The ol’photographic memory still works despite my years of poisoning it: cheers 🍻🥳😆 I can also describe the apartment you introduced me to, what we had at dinner, what we talked about, how much the tab was…and I can do that for any outing we’ve ever had, but…I can’t figure out what I want for dinner or sometimes remembering to put shoes on while running out of the door so… 🤣…”

SO impressive…the many small details he could recall that day so many years ago.  Memories, to me, are not only the most beautiful + completely unique assets we own, but the gift of a memory is priceless.  It’s also funny how two people can share in the same experience and walk away with slightly different recollections.  For example, I actually thought the paninis were pretty fantastic and I had completely forgotten about our trip my cousin’s confederate cabin!  Oh dear, I love alliteration!

I was presented with this question once: would you rather lose physical faculties or mental faculties when you grow old?  Wow, what a hard question.  To be able to walk around but not know who you are, where you are, or lose all memories?  Sounds like a nightmare.

I just watched “2001 Space Odyssey” for the first time recently.  The most terrifying part, spoiler alert, was the passive aggressive, almost sadistic nature of Hal, the onboard robot assisting the astronauts with their mission through the vast frontier of outer space.   The only way to outsmart the robot was by killing his programming while he complained about how much he felt the hurt.  Can robots even feel pain?  

Essentially our memories are our programming.  After all, we are made up of our experiences.  I read somewhere that the way to detect whether someone is human or AI is to ask him or her to recall a memory.  Supposedly artificial intelligence is completely devoid of memories.  This little trick may come in handy as computers eventually and systematically take over: this is the shit Ted Kaczynski warned us about.  By the way, he is warehoused nearby me in the Alcatraz of the Rockies, which I blogged about and can be found in the right hand column “index” of my blog.  

Sometimes memories can be a hurdle, such as overwhelming phobias of biting dogs or tight spaces in a elevator that randomly shut down and the telephone was inoperable.  Also, I think we discount often how important the programming actually is: what we watch, read, and subject ourselves to on a daily basis is vital to our overall mental health.

Some other interesting facts about memory and strengthening it…

1) Sleep deprivation may cause you to actually lose memories!  The more sleep you get, the better your memory retention becomes.  Here’s to more naps in 2023!

2) Menopause and hot flashes are tied to memory loss!  Wow women really are paying the price for that whole apple tasting thing. 

3) There are games and apps that are clinically proven to improve cognitive functions and memories.  Crosswords and word scrambles are good too!

4) Reading!  This is awesome, because I just joined the snaked at book club in Colorado!

5) NOT relying on technology all the time!

Leave me a comment if you have memory strengthening recommendations!  If you don’t think memory is important, watch a clip of Joe Biden forgetting where he is 100% of the time while looking for chocolate chip ice scream while sniffing little kids, saying “Look Jack, no joke” and “cmon man give me a break man, I’m running for Senator!”

Thanks for reading, and I hope you make some really excellent memories this year.  I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“We didn’t know we were making memories…we just thought we were having fun.”

Cheers!

Kimmie 

Relationships VERSUS Dictatorships and How to Know the Difference....

 Hello!  Welcome back to "Colorado Kimmie" and Happy New Year!  This is actually my first post for 2023.  I've been working on a few other posts, but they're just not quite done yet.  And, I wanted to get some content shared, so I hope this resonates with a reader who has some good goals for finding love in 2023.  This post is meant as a guide for you, because I'm rooting for anyone open to love!

First, I want to share that I've been guilty of it in a good majority of my dating life:  dating without purpose.  If you are someone who dates without a purpose or any goal, just beware that you can become stuck in relationship purgatory.  YES dating should be fun!  But, void of goals or purpose or communicating what you desire out of the relationship (or any grounding), you're more likely to become a feather in the wind blowing around, not setting healthy boundaries for yourself, and not seeing signs of relationship doom (when to cut slingload, abort mission and save your precious time).  

What exactly makes for a healthy relationship?  To me, it's awareness, dealing with conflict in a respectful way, sharing values, and mutual connection (admiration and growing TOWARDS each other).  Yes, I'm writing this for anyone (man or woman) who is seeking a mutually respectful long-term relationship in 2023.  

The first thing to remember is that words are only words.  Someone can tell you they love you and respect you; however, actions and patterns show how much someone truly feels about you as a long-term relationship partner.  I'm about to lay out some major red flags that indicate you're in a dictatorship in which one person is only seeking dominance/control of you.  It's easy to become fooled because many of these dictatorships begin with adoration and then slowly turn up the abuse.  But soon you experience the devaluation stage and then the final discard  which make you feel like trash.  

Please note, I'm not a licensed counselor/therapist and my blog legal disclaimer outlines that my posts are merely for entertainment purposes.  However, at 43 I feel like I have enough life experience, interpersonal and psychology interest, and dating under my belt to be able to share what I consider to be major red flags.  As soon as you detect these, please do not discount them as a "one off" happenstance.  Speak up immediately to address the concerns.  The healthiest relationships are not the ones with zero conflict.  The power couples are actually the teams that know how to have healthy discourse and build and get through conflict.  On the flip side, the couples who don't last are the ones who never face conflict, stonewall the other, and hold grudges and silent treatments.

By addressing these things, you allow your partner to see and have self-awareness.  However, if you address these and patterns immediately reemerge, you should RUN, not walk away from the disrespectful dictatorship.  Most importantly, a healthy relationship should never be about losing yourself.  Nothing that is FOR you will require you to sacrifice your lovely unique self, take away your voice, or tear away at your freedoms.  

So let's jump in to red flags...(and to me these are all non-negotiables)

Name Calling:

This is any name calling whatsoever.  Whether it's "Annoying," "Stupid," "Crazy," name calling does nothing to build towards you.  To the contrary, it pushes you away.  A lot of times it's followed with, "Can't you take a joke?"  "You're too sensitive!"  Not only does name calling do absolutely nothing to resolve conflict, it actually causes more of it!  

Constantly interrupts you, belittles you, silences you, talks down to you like you're a child, or gives you the look (usually eye roll), mainly shuts you down:

This behavior indicates that they don't really give a shit about anything you think.  Sorry not to sugar coat it, but you need to hear this.  If you are sharing something you are passionate about and you get shut down by statements like "I don't care," that's not only rude and inconsiderate, it's a clear indication that the person is not seeking connection TOWARDS you, but only dominance and control OVER you.  Further, a really intimidated + insecure partner silences a voice of truth or passion.  Any partner who is working towards a connection with you will never take away your voice or freedoms of expression. Ever!  In fact what you'll find out is if you stick around long enough - what they think is always more important that what you think.  You'll even find them bringing up the exact same topics they didn't want to hear you speak about, because it's only important when they talk about it.

No independence:

Controlling or crazy jealous behavior!  If they question every time you're on your phone EVEN when they're doing something else as well, it's a flag.  Any controlling or jealous tendencies indicate that they are internalizing some major trust issues from the past and projecting them onto you.  A healthy mature relationship has complete trust.  A lot of women, especially, will take trust issues as flattery at first, but it's not.  And, it gets progressively worse.  It is not your job to remedy these deep rooted trust issues.  They need to be in a therapist's chair.  In fact, I read somewhere that a lot of people are in therapy to heal from those who refuse to go to therapy.  Is that not ironic?  If there is no trust, RUN - FLAG!

Use your insecurities or vulnerabilities against you:

When you share a painful part of your past or open up about anything that requires a level of vulnerability and this information in turn, is melted down into bullets to shoot back at you?  That's just mean spirited!  This is belittling and hurtful and definitely not building any connections towards you.  It's a major FLAG!

Calling all the shots and never consulting with you:

Suddenly you find yourself having all plans made for you without deciding together.  It's never anything you want to do, EVER!  Your personal interests and suggestions or ideas about what to do are often discarded.

Overly Critical and Extreme Highs and Lows:

You never feel like you're good enough!  The benchmark is always moved.  Even when you're trying to do a favor, you are criticized for doing it wrong.  One minute you get this hot feeling and the next minute a really cold feeling.  It's not only mixed signals, it's not knowing which person you're going to get so you end up being pensive with a sick nervous system because you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells and they could explode at any moment.

Telling you how you should feel as opposed to validating how YOU truly feel:

This behavior indicates legit ZERO self awareness.  If you're constantly  being told "It's no big deal," "you're taking it wrong," "you're too sensitive," and just they are constantly invalidating how something made you feel, it's showing zero connection.  The cold truth:  Someone can demonstrate zero interest to understand you, EVEN when you're by their side sitting right next to them.  You are just a warm body next to them who they can dominate and control.

Silent Treatment:

Silent treatments are immature, rude, dysfunctional, and manipulative to the core!  This behavior includes turning away from you while you're talking or texting about your feelings and is completley devoid of any loving connection  Refusing to talk or engage with you, also known as stonewalling someone, keeps any issue in constant gridlock and never resolved.  It's selfish and a complete power move.  Even worse, they can't talk about any emotions and refuse to acknowledge your emotions every single time conflict arises.  FLAG!

Lying:

It doesn't matter what kind of lie it is or if it's a little white lie.  Gaslighting is the biggest concern - when you bring up something that was said and it's outright denied.  Gaslighting will eventually make you question your own sanity!  FLAG!

Do any of these sound familiar and maybe patterns of flags you're not picking up or noticing?

Hopefully this post is helpful too you on your 2023 dating journey.  If I've missed any important ones, leave me a comment below.  You've got this, and I'm rooting for you!  Dating requires you to get out of your comfort zone, be authentic, and be vulnerable.  Pay attention to your gut, your nervous system, and how you personally feel around a potential life partner.  Don't discount red flag behavior.  Behavior, not words, is the true indication of how they feel about you.  Most importantly, the right person will make you fall in love with yourself too!  

Love, 

Kimmie