Thirsty Kids?!?

(So yea, the title of the article...you totally won't get it unless you've witnessed Clark Griswold get lost in the desert, only to find his family and the infamous quote: "Thirsty Kids??!")

Last Saturday, par in course for my weekend adventures, I decided to do another great hike in Boulder.  The weekend before I had done the Royal Arch which is definitely a thigh burner (I may do a post on this one, just because the pictures are so dope!).  And, a few weekends before that, I did Realization Point with a friend.  But, for the most part, I'm hiking, with me, myself and I (and the water bladder I just got in from Amazon...donated my last pack before relocating here.)  So, yea, lemme stop there for a minute...

I just relocated to Longmont, CO from Greenville, SC!  I relocated during the whole national shutdown and drove through a blizzard to get here.  But, it's been one of the best decisions of my life.  Nothing great comes out of comfort zones.  Already I've met the most terrific people and had some of the biggest belly laughs of my life.  So, yea, setting the tone here that I'm basically still a fish out of water...even though I was an avid hiker before the relocation.  The most epic hikes I've done are Rocky Mntn National Park on a Summer vacation and a few epic "Game of Throne" hikes in Croatia.  Additionally, the hiking in NC and TN and parts of SC are really breathtaking (like Mount Le Conte)...

So back to this hike, I was like I totally wanna see Mallory Cave!  And, so, being an early riser, I get up and start packing and I go out in the stair well and am a little wee bit shocked...because there is a random young lady sitting out there.  My apartments are so new I'm not used to seeing people, especially at that time of the morning.  So, I go on to pack my car and decide I'm going to ask my new neighbor for a tampon.  I run back up the stairs and she's gone.  So, I go back in my flat to gather any essentials left (it always takes me two trips to my Subie to pack for a hike)...and there she sat again.  When I asked her if I could trade her for a tampon, she gives me this strange look and says, "No way, like I just started, and I was needing some so bad and my friend is still sleeping."  So, naturally I asked if she wanted to hop in my car for a little trip to Walgreens.

Still morning of the hike, and Walgreens is closed at 7 a.m.!??!  So, we venture over to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee and some carbs.  I ask the counter clerks where two menstruating dames can get some sanitary plugs or "tamps".  Luckily Walmart was open down the street and hadn't hit their "Senior time."  Remember, I'm writing this is the midst of "pandemic rules" for major retailers.  So in, like, ten years that won't make sense.  Anyways, FYI, masks were a rule if you wanted to enter Wal-mart so I was glad I had my neck gaiter on.  We made our purchase and just the whole morning, the young lady shared some things with me that I remembered going through myself when I was her age.  She was talking about having a kid.  And, I asked her why and her retort sounded like she didn't want to be lonely anymore.  So I encouraged her to write instead and be alone in her darkness and really get to know herself and what she wanted.  Because, let's all face it, kids are at a minimum an 18 year commitment.  

Additionally we shared, both coming from the South, that people in public praise a strong willed woman who takes no shit, but in private, these same women have a massive struggle in the culture of the South.  More on that in another post or book, perhaps.  But, we exchanged numbers and she took off on a flight later that day.  We are IG friends.  And, I told her to call me anytime she needed some advice.  I find I'm really good at advice, not because I'm better than you...but just because I've been through a lot of shit storms with no umbrella.  Oh, on that note, why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?  Fo Drizzle!

Okay, so, the hike!  I finally get there to the National Center for Atmospheric Research (the cool pink architecture) and that's where you park.  Mallory's Cave is no joke of a hike.  It's filled with craggy rock formations and IS NOT, I repeat, IS NOT a blazed trail.  So, I met this awesome couple originally from Dallas, TX on the beginning of the hike.  They were from Longmont, CO, too.  The wife was dealing with the death of her mom, who died of Covid-19.  We shared some hiking adventure stories and swapped phone numbers.

Finally made it to the water tower where I took some stretches and met a HOT single dad and his two daughters picnicking by the tower.  One little girl asked me, "hey where are you going today?"  And, I said, "Wherever the sun takes me."  Profound no?  So, yea the father told me that I should have no trouble getting there with the lack of signs or trail blazing.

The cave was nice.  I mean, it used to have this iron fencing and be a lot cooler.  But, there was apparently some storm and some flooding that created erosion.  So, now you have to free climb up this rock, and the bat cave enclosure has like this linked fencing gateway now.  Not nearly as cool as the pics from Google.  But, oh well.  I met these guys up there and they are in my video where I do a very bad British accent (see YouTube vlog for videos).

Now, it's the way back down from Mallory's Cave I'd like to discuss here.  So, I lose the guys and the other hikers on the way back down.  BAD idea.  I was busy taking pictures and looked up and found myself alone.  Again, no signs or trail blazes...just the remnants of a 41 year old vastly fading photographic memory.  Oh by the way, I did two full loops on the way up before finding a family with a Newfidoodle...OMG cool dog.  Anyways, that's how I made it up to the cave.  There were some situations where we climbed straight up boulders, so my hiking poles rendered useless.  However, on the way down, I could have sworn on soft puppy dog ears I was on the path.  And, I literally started scaling down the side of the mountain on my ass TOTALLY thinking I was going to connect with the trail.  

Y'all I got to a point where there was nothing, and I looked back up and it was so daunting.  The mountain basically went straight vertical.  I was like, WHAT have I done.  And, for a split second I totally resigned myself to die on the side of that vast and beautiful mountain.  But, I remembered something.  A good friend on a road trip last summer told me this: (paraphrase) "there are basically two ways to live life: FEAR or LOVE...but both cannot co-exist." And, I knew if I led with fear, I would probably die.  I mean guys, I had trail runners on and very amateur climbing skills, not to mention a deathly fear of heights.  Like Eminem rapped, my palms were indeed sweaty.  I mean I won't lie, I screamed from the top of my lungs, "CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?" a few times, hoping and praying somebody would drop me a rope.

But, I stopped and I did some deep breaths, and I put all my body on the mountain.  I said, "Mountain, I love and respect you and I wanna live to hike you again, let's do dis!"  And, as the sun baked down on me, and I got cotton mouth and dehydrated AF, I just kept putting one foot up and kept climbing up.  And, when I finally got back up on trail, I met these two awesome women and their kids out for a Mother's Day hike.  Like 99% of the Coloradans I've met, these women were so kind and embracing.  They were like, "Oh is that the trail??"  And, I was like, "Thirsty kids?!"  And, told them all about my little downward soiree.  

These women elk hunt tho!  So cool, they feed their family for 160 days off elk steaks, burgers, sausage, tacos, you NAME it.  They gut em and everything.  And, I learned about Hanging Lakes.  Apparently you have to have a permit to hike this, but each year they do an auction.  They are trying to preserve the natural beauty and can't have people willy nilly up there.  Sometimes tourists can be so destructive to Mother Nature.  Anyways, bucket list, so if you're reading this and have a permit to Hanging Lakes, let us be friends.

So, when I finally got into eye shot of the parking lot, I totally told those ladies I was going to "Shaw Shank Redemption" the parking.  For anyone who has seen this film (hopefully everyone!  I mean it's the greatest!) Andy Dufrane like sludges through on all fours through like four football fields of sewage shit to get to his freedom.  And, then he rips off his shirt and falls to his knees while the rain beats down on his chest and his hands raise in praise to the heavens.  That's totally how I felt!  Only I wish it was raining due to my severe cotton mouth.  Thirty kids?!?

I hope you enjoyed my first ever blog post.  Have plenty of water and good GPS or don't hike alone.  Always take a whistle.  Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.  Or if you'd like me to write about something in particular, let me know.  Most of you know me through Facebook.  So, yea, let me know if you'd like to read more experiences on anythang.

Ya'll I got to a point where there was nothing, and I looked back up and it was so daunting.  The mountain basically went straight vertical.  I was like, WHAT have I done.  And, for a split second I totally resigned myself to die on the side of that vast and beautiful mountain.  But, I remembered something.  A good friend on a road trip last summer told me this: (paraphrase) "there are basically two ways to live life: FEAR or LOVE...but both cannot co-exist." And, I knew if I led with fear, I would probably die.  I mean guys, I had trail runners on and very amateur climbing skills, not to mention a deathly fear of heights.  Like Eminem rapped, my palms were indeed sweaty.  

But, I stopped and I did some deep breaths, and I put all my body on the mountain.  I said, "Mountain, I love and respect you and I wanna live to hike you again, let's do dis!"  And, as the sun baked down on me, and I got cotton mouth and dehydrated AF, I just kept butting one foot up and kept climbing up.  And, when I finally got back up on trail, I met these two awesome women and their kids out for a mother's day hike.  Like 99% of the Coloradans I've met, these women were so kind and embracing.  They were like, "Oh is that the trail??"  And, I was like, "Thirsty kids?!"  And, told them all about my little downward soiree.  

These women elk hunt tho!  So cool, they feel their family for 160 days off elk steaks, burgers, sausage, tacos, you NAME it.  They gut em and everything.  And, I learned about Hanging Lakes.  Apparently you have to have a permit to hike this, but each year they do an auction.  They are trying to preserve the natural beauty and can't have people willy nilly up there.  Sometimes tourists can be so destructive to Mother Nature.  Anyways, bucket list, so if you're reading this and have a permit to Hanging Lakes, let us be frans.

So, when I finally got into eye shot of the parking lot, I totally told those ladies I was going to Shaw Shank Redemption the parking.  For anyone who has seen this film (hopefully everyone!  I mean it's the greatest!) Andy Dufrane like sludges through on all fours through like four football fields of sewage shit to get to his freedom.  And, then he rips off his shirt and falls to his knees while the rain beats down on his and his hands raise in praise to the heavens.  That's totally how I felt!  Only I wish it was raining due to my severe cotton mouth.  Thirty kids?!?

I hope you enjoyed my first ever blog post.  Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.  Or if you'd like me to write on something, let me know.  Most of you know me through Facebook.  So, yea, let me know if you'd like to read more experiences on anythang.